Laxman Sivaramakrishnan alleges racism in Team India: Thought I was going to die

Former India cricketer Laxman Sivaramakrishnan has made shocking allegations of facing racism during his playing days in the Indian cricket team. The former spinner made his debut for India in 1983 and played his last international match in 1987. The 60-year-old recently made some posts on his X account, hinting at being removed from the toss and presentation due to hidden racism in the broadcasting industry.

Laxman has further opened up on his allegations in a recent interview, revealing how he battled racism during his tenure in the Indian cricket team. He revealed how a teammate made a racial remark against him before asking him to cut the cake, which left him shattered.

“’Hey Sunny, you ordered the right colour cake. Such a dark chocolate cake for a dark boy’. I started crying and refused to cut the cake. Then Sunil Gavaskar had to pacify me and then I cut the cake with tears in my eyes," Laxman told the Indian Express.

The former India cricketer also mentioned how he was called “Karupa” in the Tamil Nadu dressing room, while crowds in north India chanted “Kalia.” He also revealed an incident where a gatekeeper denied him entry to the team hotel, refusing to believe that he was a part of the team due to his age and appearance.

“After that I realised I should take the keys with me. But I would be trembling when I got near the gate for the fear of being rejected and kicked out again," he recalled.

All these incidents had a bad effect on Laxman’s mental health, who suffered from low self-esteem.

“All these things put me in a position where I had very low self-esteem as a person. And when you have such very low self-esteem at a tender age, you talk about confidence — it is very hard to build confidence. I always wanted to forget, forget, forget but deep down in your subconscious it’s always rooted and it comes out,” said Laxman.

"Whenever I was awake I thought I was going to die"

The Chennai-born cricketer also shared how the repeated incidents pushed him to the verge of suicide.  

“I was down completely and I didn’t want to see myself in the mirror. I would have a couple of drinks and go to sleep because I could not bear anything. Whenever I was awake I thought I was going to die. Sometimes when we were travelling in Dubai during IPL, there’s no speed limit. If the vehicle went very fast, something would tell me in my mind just to open the door and jump out. Somehow, something stopped me from doing anything silly,” shared the former cricketer.

Laxman played nine Tests and 16 ODIs during his international career, taking 41 wickets in total. He played a pivotal role in India’s World Championship of Cricket triumph in 1985, finishing as the highest wicket-taker of the tournament. The left-arm spinner took 10 wickets from five matches with best figures of 3/35.